I have been pretty obsessed lately with Suzanne Collins’ The Hunger Games. I am about halfway through book 3 and yesterday while I was reading, God hit me over the head with a truth that I have known for a long time, but was challenged by in a new way yesterday. Katniss, the heroine of the story is visiting her friend Peeta in the hospital after he has been rescued from the evil Capitol who have subjected him to months and months of mental and physical torture. The Capitol has specifically tortured him by changing his memories of the heroine so that he will hate her and no longer love her, in their attempt to kill her. The exchange that insuses between the two is hateful and harsh as Peeta, who has always loved Katniss says, “Well, you’re a piece of work, aren’t you?” Katniss runs from the room and goes to her favorite thinking/hiding place and processess through why she was so hurt by Peeta’s comments. When she finally figures it, she says it is almost too mortifying to admit. “All those months of taking it for granted that Petta thought I was wonderful are over. Finally, he can see me for who I really am. Violent. Distrustful. Manipulative. Deadly. And I hate him for it.”
As I read these words yesterday, it was like God hit me over the head with a 2 x 4. There have been many times when I have found myself angry with God and if I examine the cause of my anger its because I realize I can’t fool God. He can see past all the fake niceness that I portray, the hiding of who I really am and even the lying to myself of who I am. He sees the insecurity, the meanness, the selfishness and the bitterness that are pushed down in my heart and that I don’t let anyone else see. As I processed through this thought, I thought about the fact that even though God sees all of the crap in my life, he somehow still loves me and wants to be in a relationship with me. Why is that? Why would he want to be around me when I don’t even want to be around myself sometimes? One word. Jesus. Because of what Jesus did on the cross and offering himself to die in my place, when God looks at me, he doesn’t see all that crap. He sees Jesus and the blood that was shed for my sins. Does He wish that all that other stuff wasn’t there? For sure, and He wants me to work on fixing it, but that doesn’t stop him from loving me. He created me with all those flaws and yet he continues to love me. So the point in all this is How awesome is this fact? That God loves me even though he sees all the junk in my life that I try to hide and even through all of it, He faithfully loves me and wants whats best for me.